In regard to the study of physics, resilience is the property of a material to absorb energy when it is deformed elastically and then, upon unloading to have this energy recovered.
Something that really stuck out in my mind about this definition was the ambiguity that we can apply to human resilience, namely emotional resilience. One of the main things that spoke to me was the use of the word 'energy'. As frail human beings, we are directly affected (whether negatively or positively) by our ability (and sometimes curse) to "absorb energy" from the situations that come into our little lives. Another striking thing about this thought is that, according to the definition, there had to be an initial absorption of the energy that served as the reason for the deformity. At some point in every 'damaged' situation there had to be some form of negative energy applied to create the inconsistency or the deformity. Granted, some situations materialize on their own..but in most cases there is always a reason for the madness.
A perfect way to show this can be to look at an adult with trust issues in a relationship. They were not born with this tendency, but rather it was something that they learned at an earlier point in their life...whether that was as a child due to parental neglect or later in life when a relationship with a loved one went south. Either way, there had to be some outside source that they allowed in only to cause of a state of damage.
I think a valid point can be made that people who allow those "forces" into their lives do so with a blind sense of trust. The "forces" that they let into their lives are people that they trust greatly. They do not expect to be left in a state of brokenness..and, in most cases, the people doing the damage do not do so with the intent to harm. "It just happens". There will be those whose purpose is to destroy..but for the most part, people just make mistakes. It's naive to believe that anyone is 'above' being capable to disappoint you. By the same token, do not believe that you are above that point as well. It is the stark reality of humanity.
The beauty of resilience is the part where the energy is 'unloaded', as the definition put its. There has got to be a point where you simply just 'let it go'.
Plain and simple, your ability to 'get on with your life' lies directly in your ability to put on your big-girl panties (sorry guys) and get over it.
You've been hurt? Take a number.
You've been lied to? Who hasn't?
You've had your trust betrayed? You're not the last.
The sad truth is that, in some cases, the 'forces' that caused the damage in the first place aren't losing any sleep over it. They're not too concerned with what damage they left in their wake..and by dwelling on it all you're only giving them the power to limit your recovery and robbing yourself of restoration.
I do not attempt to make light of the hardships of others..for I've had a few in my time. I understand the emotional pain of betrayal and the sting of broken trust. In fact, I'm sure there will be days to come in which I will find myself dealing with some sort of emotional pain again. It's not something that we can expect to escape. This does not mean, however, that we should live under a rock and shut ourselves off from society. In all reality, we should take the exact opposite approach. We're not guaranteed that we'll never be 'stretched to the limit' again or that we'll never deal with any stress..but by learning to secret to resilience (and just 'letting it go') you can know how to always 'bounce back'.
The beauty of resilience is the 'bounce back' factor. Things may not have always been good..but by the smile on your face, the world will never know. You'll love again..trust again..and be all the stronger for the bumps and the lessons you learned along the way.
As Christians I think we live under this false pretense that we're supposed to be God. By that, I mean that we expect to be able to forgive AND forget instantly. No disrespect, but God may have a 'Sea of Forgetfulness' but I haven't found mine yet..and to some extent I believe that is a healthy thing. I'm not saying that we should hang things over the heads of others (which I'm working on....I promise). It takes a wise, balanced person to be able to forgive a person for a situation and then take measures to learn from their experiences (the 'not forgetting part'). It's okay to struggle...or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
...buuuuuuut back to resilience.
I'm attempting to learn the art...and I won't make any false pretenses: it's hard work.
There will be days where I will question things..question the people I love..and that's okay. It's part of the process.
However, as I said in an earlier blog..
Don't make excuses. Don't run away.
Don't be shy. Don't be afraid.
Love deeply. Purely
That is the TRUE art of resilience.
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